To
My Dear Students,
RECALL
NOTICE
Regardless
of make or year, all units known as "human
beings" are being recalled by the Manufacturer.
This is due to a malfunction technically termed,
"Serious Internal Non-morality," commonly
known as "SIN."
Some
of the symptoms of the SIN defect:
[a]
Loss of direction
[b]
Lack of peace and joy
[c]
Depression
[d]
Foul vocal emissions
[e]
Selfishness
[f]
Ingratitude
[g]
Fearfulness
[h]
Rebellion
[i]
Jealousy
The
Manufacturer, G-d, is providing factory authorized
repair service free of charge to correct the SIN
defect. He has most generously offered to bear
the entire burden of the staggering cost of these
repairs. To repeat, there is no fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is
PRAYER. Once connected, please upload the REPENTANCE
procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from G-d into
the heart component of the human unit. No matter
how big or small the SIN defect is, G-d will replace
it with:
[a]
Love
[b]
Joy
[c]
Peace
[d]
Kindness
[e]
Goodness
[f]
Faithfulness
[g]
Gentleness
[h]
Patience
[I]
Self-control
Please
see the operating manual, TORAH, for further details
on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade,
the Manufacturer has made Himself available to
all repaired units through a special internalization
function called NESHAMAH, enabling direct monitoring
and assistance. Repaired units need only make
the NESHAMAH welcome and it will take up residence
on the premises.
WARNING:
Continuing to operate a human being unit without
correction voids the Manufacturer's warranty and
exposes the unit to dangers and problems too numerous
to list. Please assist by notifying others of
this important recall notice. Have an uplifting
Rosh HaShana observance, and a year of enjoyment
with your loved ones and friends.
With
Shalom and Shana Tova
Your
Rabbi
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